if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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