we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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