you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
