I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
