No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
