I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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