I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
