He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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