Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
