Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
