no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
