I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
