I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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