I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
