i permit you to call me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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