just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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