OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
