the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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