I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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