my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
