Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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