My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
