Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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