Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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