So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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