So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He better not be in your backpack
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
