Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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