I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we made out on top of his cat.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
