Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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