I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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