rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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