he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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