Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
