ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
