He is like the real live version of the state fair..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
