You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
