i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
