Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My balls are so social today.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
