dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
