What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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