Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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