no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
