Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
