we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
cat food counts as protein by the way
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
