I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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