Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
