Say something about gay babies.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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