Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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