She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
