if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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