so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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