and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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