Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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