No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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