so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
