sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
