in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
