Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
