Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Are we still banned from the library?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
