tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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