Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
