Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
