just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
